You stepped on my Shneck

First things first, I haven’t updated on the whole family situaion that I wrote about last time.  I guess things are better, AJ worked some stuff out with his family and I tried my hardest to stay out of it, and that seemed to work for everyone.  I’m sure that this isn’t over, but for now it seems to have calmed down and that is all I can say about that.  On to my next dilemma…

I have been seriously thinking about my I mean, our, wedding.  We were planning on having the regular thing, the wedding in the church followed by large reception with catered food, DJ and open bar.  But we were talking the other day, and there is no way that we are going to be able to afford a honeymoon.  When AJ and I first announced our engagement, both sets of my parents (ie: mom and stepdad, dad and stepmom) offered to pay for a honeymoon for us if we didn’t want to do the whole big wedding.  At the time I blew them off, but upon further reflection I am seriously rethinking.  I talked to my dad the other day, and he suggested still getting married in the church, because that is very important to me for reasons a.) because I feel it is important to make that kind of commitment in front of God and a priest, b.) I just paid $50 to take a marriage class that allows me to get married in the church and c.) I really want to be able to wear my beautiful dress in the beautiful church.  Anyway, my dad said still do that, but then instead of having the huge reception just have people come over to my parent’s house and have a big (cheaper) party there.  We would have to scale down the guest list and just have the most important people there, and my dad said that he would fire up the BBQ and we could set up the stereo outside and just do that.  Then whatever money each side was going to spend on a reception could go to get AJ and I a kick ass honeymoon.

Okay, so obviously AJ wants to take the money and run.  I am leaning towards this, but I just really really don’t want to regret anything.  I don’t want to be 5o and saying, “I really wish we would have had a reception.”  My mom still talks about how she wishes she would have gone to her prom.  On the one hand, I want to have a great honeymoon and really, isn’t that the most fun part?  Also, AJ has never been anywhere in his life, and I would love to take him somewhere that would totally pamper him.  On the other hand, like I said, I don’t want to regret this decision and, I know it is shallow but hey, you don’t know me…  I don’t want people to think that we are trashy, having a wedding reception in the backyard with coolers of beer.  I know this shouldn’t matter, but it is my WEDDING and it does.  I’m only doing this one time!!

On the plus side it would eleviate alot of the planning that I have been putting off desperately… I am not a planner type of person.  I am not good at looking to the future, and so far the only thing I have booked is a reception hall.  I should have a hall, DJ, florist, caterer, photographer, videographer… and I don’t. 

I just don’t know what to do!!!  Internet gods, reach out to me and tell me what to do.  I can’t make this kind of decision on my own!!!  H E L P !!!! 

I have started this post a couple times and I still haven’t come up with the right words.  I just don’t understand why it is such a problem welding two families into one.  Shouldn’t it be easy?  If AJ and I get along, why wouldn’t we get along with the other’s family?

I have already mentioned the problems that I sometimes have with AJ’s family.  Now, to be fair, AJ has problems with my family too.  Mainly, that we are too close, too nosy, and too judgemental sometimes.  That’s cool… no one is going to like everything.  I mean, I have problems with AJ, too!  But now things are getting stormy on the front and I just don’t know what to do.  AJ is hurt, angry, and sad.  I don’t know what to do for hiim to make him feel better, or to make the situation better.  His sister called last night and left a nasty message, basically saying that AJ never helps them out and that he seems to be “in the ass” (and I am quoting directly here) or both me and my family.  First of all, I think it is okay for AJ and I to be “up each other’s asses”.  We are trying to start our own family together, we are getting married, and we are best friends, so why wouldn’t we be?  As far as my family goes, yes, they helped a lot when AJ was in jail and we were going through all this stuff.  But guess what– no one said that his family couldn’t try and help either.  Even if it wasn’t monitarily, they could have offered support in any number of different ways… but they didn’t.  AJ was really hurt about that, too.

So now I am in a really bad position.  I am really angry at his sister, because she hurt him, and anyone that hurts him is not okay with me.  But I can’t just go spouting off, because no matter what she is still his sister, and I don’t want to say anything that I may regret later.  I just hate watching him get taken advantage of.  I hate watching him second guess himself, wondering does he do enough?  Is he there for his family?  AJ is the most caring, kind, and thoughtful person I have ever met, and he is there whenever anyone needs him, including his sister.  In fact, last night she drove into her parking lot, stopped on the brakes that HE installed, turned off the radio and speakers that he also installed, sat down on the couch that he moved into her apartment, watched the TV that he hooked up that sits on the entertainment center that he put together, and maybe looked at the picture on the wall that he hung up. 

And the cause of all this?  Because for once, he had other plans when she called him and needed him to do her a favor.  And the reason my name got brought into it?  Because before me, he would have been right there no matter what, but I will not let him be taken advantage of.  People have other things to do!! 

I am just so mad and disillusioned.  I guess I thought we would all just melt into one big happy family, and obviously that was just naive of me.  I love them like I love my own family, but apparently there is still “us” and “them”.  Where does that leave AJ and I?  I don’t want to take sides, and I don’t want to cause any conflict, but I also don’t want him to get hurt more than he already is.

Any suggestions???